R says: “I wanted to do a really messed-up holiday song because a certain person kept asking me if I’m okay with being in Christmas shows, and I’m like um, whuh? And I’m not about to do one of those Token Jew Routines because I think Adam Sandler’s song is utter crap and anything actually culturally relevant would miss the mark. Plus, Matisyahu is more reggae and soul than traditional. It was down to Weird Al’s Christmas At Ground Zero or Joco’s Chiron Beta Prime. I let both simmer for three years, tinkering on paper, and I saw a beach cave somewhere and I imagined an airlock and thought two levels of dancers, perfect! As for the robots, a mashup of Gary Glitter and Green Day Holiday by Dean Gray has been on my mind for a long time, and that one would have Daleks and Cybermen and a Tardis and Geordie as Doctor Who flying around while the dancers dance and… eh, that takes effort. Chrion Beta Prime just got taken over by Daleks. Oh, and if someone pisses me off, I can put them on mover 3 to… you’ll see.”
This year has been a little crazy for the Andersons.
You may recall we had some trouble last year.
The robot council had us banished to an asteroid.
That hasn’t undermined our holiday cheer.
And we know it’s almost Christmas by the marks we make on the wall.
And that’s our favorite time of year.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime,
Where we’re working in a mine for our robot overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.
On every corner there’s a giant metal Santa Claus
Who watches over us with glowing red eyes.
They carry weapons and they know if you’ve been bad or good.
Not everybody’s good but everyone tries.
And the rocks outside the airlock exude ammonia-scented snow.
It’s like a Winter wonderland.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime,
Where we’re working in a mine for our robot overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.
That’s all the family news that we’re allowed to talk about.
We really hope you’ll come and visit us soon.
I mean we’re literally begging you to visit us.
And make it quick before they …
-MESSAGE REDACTED-
Now it’s time for Christmas dinner – I think the robots sent us a pie!
You know I love my soylent green.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime,
Where we’re working in a mine for our robot overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.