You’re a mean one
You really are a heel
You’re as cuddly as a cactus
You’re as charming as an eel
Mr. Grinch, you’re a bad banana
Mr. Grinch, with the greasy black peel
You’re a vile one
You got termites in your smile
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile
Mr. Grinch
You’re a foul one
Friends you don’t have none
I wouldn’t touch you with a 39-and-a-half foot pole!
You’re a monster
Your heart’s an empty hole
You’re a goner
You got garlic in your soul
You got garlic in your soul
All them smiles homie
I turn up the frown
All them decorations
I tear em down
You can ask Max, I don’t play around
Ayo, eww
Who is this mean fellow
With his skin all green and his teeth all yellow? (Eww)
What you so mad for?
Halloween come around and we ain’t knockin’ at your door, mane
Mr. Grinch you’re a bad banana
You’re gonna spoil everybody with your bad attitude
(Spoil everybody)
Mr. Grinch
La-la-la-la
Who is this mean fellow
With his skin all green and his teeth all yellow?
(La-la-la-la)
What you so mad for?
Halloween come around and we ain’t knocking on your door
(La-la)
Bad banana
Rockin’ around the Christmas tree
At the Christmas party hop
Mistletoe hung where you can see
Every couple tries to stop
Rockin’ around the Christmas tree
Let the Christmas spirit ring
Later we’ll have some pumpkin pie
And we’ll do some caroling
You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear
Voices singing, let’s be jolly
Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Rockin’ around the Christmas tree
Have a happy holiday
Everyone dancin’ merrily
In the new old-fashioned way
You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear
Voices singing, let’s be jolly
Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Rockin’ around the Christmas tree
Have a happy holiday
Everyone dancin’ merrily
In the new old-fashioned way
-GHOST OF JACOB MARLEY-
It is required of every man,
that his spirit travel far.
Lending help to those he can,
no matter who they are.
But if you don’t go forth in life,
spreading joy and easing pain,
your spirit will go forth in death,
and you shall wear a chain!
These were coins I hoarded for a rainy day,
now with every jingle I’m distressed!
Locks and keys that helped me keep the poor away…
That’s what put these locks and keys around my waist..
Link by link,
my chain was getting longer!
Link by link,
I should’ve heard a clink!
Link by link,
each year a little stronger..
Link by link by HORRIFYING link!
Stacking up my silver and my bits of gold,
filling up my vault when day was done!
Well, vaults are made of lead
and cash is very cold!
And around your neck they weigh a bloody ton!
Link by link,
You’re on the brink.
It’s written here,
in blood-red ink.
Unlock your heart!
It’s not too late!
For you’ll be dragging something more than
twice this weight!
-SCROOGE-
No, please…
-GHOST OF JACOB MARLEY-
Ebenezer Scrooge…
-SCROOGE-
Y-yes?
-GHOST OF JACOB MARLEY-
You shall be visited by three ghosts!
-SCROOGE-
Umm, no thank you..
-GHOST OF JACOB MARLEY-
When the clock strikes one –
the Ghost of Christmas Past..
-SCROOGE-
I prefer not to think about the past..
-GHOST OF JACOB MARLEY-
When the clock strikes two –
the Ghost of Christmas Present..
-SCROOGE-
At present, I’d rather go to bed. Good night…
-GHOST OF JACOB MARLEY-
When the clock strikes three –
the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Be!
Three ghosts who yet may stop you
from ending up like me…
~ Ghosts of other greedy men and women invade Scrooge’s room. ~
-GHOST CHORUS-
Singing sorry spirits who were once like you!*
Dragging chains are all that we’ve acquired.
All the good in life it’s now too late to do..
not to mention this could really make you tired!
Link by link,
your chain is in the making!
Link by link,
no way to make it shrink!
Link by link,
just listen to it shaking!
Link by link by link by link by link by link by
link by link!
Your life must be corrected..
Link by link!
..and sooner than you think..
Link by link!
..or you shall be connected..
..link by link by horrifying link.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year
With the kids jingle belling
And everyone telling you be of good cheer
It’s the most wonderful time of the year
It’s the hap-happiest season of all
With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings
When friends come to call
It’s the hap-happiest season of all
There’ll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting
And caroling out in the snow
There’ll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories of
Christmases long, long ago
It’s the most wonderful time of the year
There’ll be much mistltoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When loved ones are near
It’s the most wonderful time of the year
There’ll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting
And caroling out in the snow
There’ll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories of
Christmases long, long ago
It’s the most wonderful time of the year
There’ll be much mistltoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When loved ones are near
It’s the most wonderful time
Yes the most wonderful time
Oh the most wonderful time
Of the year
Oh, oh, hmm
Where are you Christmas
Why can’t I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can’t I hear music play
My world is changing
I’m rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too
Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I’m not the same one
See what the time’s done
Is that why you have let me go, oh
Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh
If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time
Oh, I feel you Christmas
I know I’ve found you
You never fade away, oh
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love
Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love, mmhm
I had a dream of Christmas
A Time when dreams come true
A special dream of Christmas
And spending it with you
Sitting by the fire
holding you so tight
Feeling safe and warm and loved
On a beautiful Christmas night
BRIDGE
We won’t be needing mistletoe
to know just what to do
A look in your eyes and I will know
Its time for kissing you
I know its just a dream
But it feels so real to me
You and I should always be together
here at christmas time
CHORUS
I wont be alone for Christmas
Even though we’re miles apart
I’ll never be alone for Christmas
Because I hold you in my heart
Always hold you so deep in my heart
VERSE
I know you have to be away now
I know there inst any choice
But I know that every day now
I long to hear your voice
I know you wish the same as I do
You say the same things that I say
how you wish you could be near me
Specially on christmas day
BRIDGE
Watch the snow fall all around us
Walking hand in hand
Feel so close together
but we both understand
I know its just a dream
But it feels so real to me
You and I should always be together
here at christmas time
MIDDLE 8
Some people do just fine on their own
Some of them prefer to be alone
But I am telling you, come what may,
I wont be on my own on christmas day.
CHORUS
I wont be alone for Christmas
Even though we’re miles apart
I’ll never be alone for Christmas
Because I hold you in my heart
Always hold you so deep in my heart
CHORUS
I wont be alone for Christmas
Even though we’re miles apart
I’ll never be alone for Christmas
Because I hold you in my heart
Always hold you so deep in my heart
R says: “I wanted to do a really messed-up holiday song because a certain person kept asking me if I’m okay with being in Christmas shows, and I’m like um, whuh? And I’m not about to do one of those Token Jew Routines because I think Adam Sandler’s song is utter crap and anything actually culturally relevant would miss the mark. Plus, Matisyahu is more reggae and soul than traditional. It was down to Weird Al’s Christmas At Ground Zero or Joco’s Chiron Beta Prime. I let both simmer for three years, tinkering on paper, and I saw a beach cave somewhere and I imagined an airlock and thought two levels of dancers, perfect! As for the robots, a mashup of Gary Glitter and Green Day Holiday by Dean Gray has been on my mind for a long time, and that one would have Daleks and Cybermen and a Tardis and Geordie as Doctor Who flying around while the dancers dance and… eh, that takes effort. Chrion Beta Prime just got taken over by Daleks. Oh, and if someone pisses me off, I can put them on mover 3 to… you’ll see.”
This year has been a little crazy for the Andersons.
You may recall we had some trouble last year.
The robot council had us banished to an asteroid.
That hasn’t undermined our holiday cheer.
And we know it’s almost Christmas by the marks we make on the wall.
And that’s our favorite time of year.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime,
Where we’re working in a mine for our robot overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.
On every corner there’s a giant metal Santa Claus
Who watches over us with glowing red eyes.
They carry weapons and they know if you’ve been bad or good.
Not everybody’s good but everyone tries.
And the rocks outside the airlock exude ammonia-scented snow.
It’s like a Winter wonderland.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime,
Where we’re working in a mine for our robot overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.
That’s all the family news that we’re allowed to talk about.
We really hope you’ll come and visit us soon.
I mean we’re literally begging you to visit us.
And make it quick before they …
-MESSAGE REDACTED-
Now it’s time for Christmas dinner – I think the robots sent us a pie!
You know I love my soylent green.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime,
Where we’re working in a mine for our robot overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.
Hey, Mr. Churchill comes over here
To say we’re doing splendidly
But it’s very cold out here in the snow
Marching to and from the enemy
Oh I say it’s tough, I have had enough
Can you stop the cavalry?
I have had to fight, almost every night
Down throughout these centuries
That is when I say, oh yes yet again
Can you stop the cavalry?
Mary Bradley waits at home
In the nuclear fall-out zone
Wish I could be dancing now
In the arms of the girl I love
Wish I was at home for Christmas
Bang! That’s another bomb on another town
While the Tsar and Jim have tea
If I get home, live to tell the tale
I’ll run for all presidencies
If I get elected I’ll stop, I will stop the cavalry
Wish I was at home for Christmas
Wish I could be dancing now
In the arms of the girl I love
Mary Bradley waits at home
She’s has been waiting two years long
Wish I was at home for Christmas
