Why did I build this resource?

If somebody knows something, and the knowledge could be helpful to others, they are morally obligated to share it.

And, to be blunt, I fucking hate having to explain things more than once.

These are some observations on various things…

We are the Debauche family. Sometimes, things are good. Sometimes, things are bad. We will get through them together.

The first question should be “What can I do to help?”

Everyone trying to help all at once can actually he harmful to those on a slow connection or easily overwhelmed by anxiety. Be patient and it’s okay if they take a while to respond. They may actually be trying to solve the problem themselves.

If patterns of mistakes happen, find out what the root cause of that pattern is and resolve it.

Nobody makes the show happen alone. We all bring something to the show.

If nobody is being asked to leave ever, then the answer to a problem is to identify the root source of the problem and resolve it. If there is no solution, then factor that recurring problem into the process.

You cannot control others. You can influence others, but in the end, you can only control what you do and say.

You cannot control your reactions and thoughts. But you can decide which of them to follow and act upon.

It is more important to get the show running smoothly than to engage in debate to prove that I’m right.

The show comes first. Everything that distracts or causes harm to the show needs to stop. Make a note in a notepad and circle back to it after the show.

Making a mistake doesn’t make you a bad person. It means that there’s an opportunity to do things right.

The time to teach is before the battle or after, not during.

Incidents turn into patterns. Patterns turn into relationship disorders. Deal with the incidents without accusation or invective, but with truth and a genuine desire to resolve the underlying problem.

When someone is pointing out a problem with an outfit or an act, it is not a criticism of the person. They are trying to make the show better and help everyone to make the show better.

Noticing an issue is not an attack, but covering someone’s blind spot. As long as it’s phrased in a helpful way and not as an attack.

Sometimes, we see things that others do not. It may be a problem on our end or their end. So, it’s okay to ask about it and get it confirmed. If we’re wrong, it’s okay… now we know. If they’re wrong, they now know. What really matters is what the audience sees, and they need to see the best possible show from all of us together.

If a student praises a teacher but doesn’t learn anything, the praise is empty.

Depressives envy the bipolars. At least you get an upswing.

People in pain lash out. Anger is its own punishment. Give people the space and opportunity to work things out.

If someone points out something you already know, thank them. No need to tell them that you already know.

If a discussion changes tracks to a different topic and you need to resolve the original topic, offer to discuss the second topic when the other is complete. Call it a Parking Lot and write the topic there so you know to come back to it.

Awards and polls are anonymous and meaningless. What matters is telling someone directly how you feel about their work and efforts and what they mean to you. I go over this in my “The Thank Yous” essay.

Need is a lot more important than want. Need comes first. If you ask me what I want, it is to make sure that people get what they need.

I love Kona coffee from Maui. I cannot drink coffee anymore for medical reasons. So, I gift it to friends to enjoy. Because I feel that someone somewhere should be enjoying it. This is the opposite of spite.


Without Sev and Laura, no Debauche.

Without Geordie, no music.

Which is why I did what I did, and do what I do.

Simple, really.


Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone

Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson
Crucial Confrontations by Kerry Patterson
Crucial Accountability by Kerry Patterson

Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

Who Moved My Cheese by Spencer Johnson

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Something Good for a Change: Random Notes on Peace Thru Living by Hugh Romney (Wavy Gravy)

On the subject of detail…


In the biography of Jobs released today, Walter Isaacson reveals the likely source of this focus on craftsmanship, Jobs adoptive father, Paul Jobs.

Paul Jobs was a mechanic, good with his hands and intelligent with his work, which largely focused on cars and then constructing metal parts for laser assemblies in Silicon Valley.

“I thought my dad’s sense of design was pretty good,” Jobs told Isaacson, “because he knew how to build anything. If we needed a cabinet, he would build it. When he built our fence, he gave me a hammer so I could work with him.”

Fifty years after the fence was constructed, Jobs showed it to Isaacson, still standing and recalled a lesson about making things of quality that he learned from his father. Touching the boards of inside of the fence, he said that “He loved doing things right. He even cared about the look of the parts you couldn’t see.”

He said that his father refused to use poor wood for the back of cabinets, or to build a fence that wasn’t constructed as well on the back side as it was the front. Jobs likened it to using a piece of plywood on the back of a beautiful chest of drawers. “For you to sleep well at night, the aesthetic, the quality, has to be carried all the way through.”